I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
