I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
