who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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