the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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