Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
