I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
