What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
