Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
