I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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