stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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