my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I checked into jail on foursquare
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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