You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
