I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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