If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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