ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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