i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
