i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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