You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
