It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
