so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
