i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
