if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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