I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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