Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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