Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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