Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
