So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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