I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
