Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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