New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
