She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
