I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
