i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
