If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
