I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
