Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
