this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
