i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
