When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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