On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I won the penis lottery.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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