So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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