how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
