hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
