My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
