the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
