You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
