he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
