ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
