Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Please don't give away my fajitas
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
