3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
