i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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