Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
